Dreams Do Come True
The writing of my story has not been as easy as I thought it would be.
What do you do with the emotions that surface? I've been kicking this can down the road for far to long.
I'm of the mind that a load is easier to bear when you don't have to carry it alone.
I found that as I began to write this story there was still this strong desire to protect my parents. I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings, or bring shame to the family.
I wonder does that sound confusing to you? The Shame, was in what I endured for over 10 years. The Shame is that incest is still alive today in homes all around the world. It is time to call it out, to eradicate it!
I had to ask myself... "Am I trying so hard not to have a victim's mentality that I am over compensating? (Attempting to protect those that hurt me)
This question hit me square in the face. In the last year or so I have found that I was able to share my story with others without crying. That lead me to believe that I was ready to place it here on this site.
It would be interesting to know how many victims of incest have this innate desire to protect others. Even at their own expense...
Dreams do come true, and although my life is not over I know it has a happy ending. I plan to live my life so that my name will remain written in the Lambs book of life (Rev. 3:5).
So this hump must be gotten over. I will share the story.
WOW three years have come and gone... time just keeps ticking into the past!
I hope you are making every minute of your life count! Don't give up on your dreams.
Here we are speeding down the road of 2012. One thing is for certain. This page will not be finished until I decide to do so.
Before long we will be saying
"Ten Nine Eight Seven Six Five Four Three Two... HAPPY NEW YEAR!
2013 will be here and I will still be sitting on my hands. It's time to share my story. Bits and pieces have been written here and there. In journals, notebooks, and even pieces of paper. Each time I read over what has been written I get cold feet and put it all away. Not this time...
during the next 2-3 months I will dig up the notebooks, journals and what not and begin posting excerpts from my story here on this page.
While listening to Joyce Meyers share about dealing with incest that took place in her childhood
I realized I don't have to be explicit
Don't allow my story to become a dirty tabloid
Share enough to be helpful
Know that you are not alone, there are others.
We need to open our mouths and speak out against the wrong that is being done.
It's Been Over A Year
This writing was started six years ago (2009). I've been avoiding dealing with the subject. I've come back to it from time to time, trying to decide what to say if anything at all.
For now I've decided to express my thoughts in a poem that was written June of 2006. At the time it was written I notice I used the word kill; that must have been a dark period in my life (referring to when the poem was written) as a young child I never had thoughts of killing anyone, well other than myself.
I'm glad to say I don't have a victims mentality, no longer have thoughts of suicide, and I'm not just a survivor.
I am an Overcomer!
From happy and carefree to melancholy, then back to happy. It took a long time to learn how to take control of my emotions. I choose to be happy. I refuse to allow my past to control my future.
Past Present Future
It happened, it's real
what do I do with this desire to kill.
I was trusting, I had to obey.
Good little girls always acted that way.
Why me, why did I get chosen for this lot in life.
No one wants damaged goods for a wife.
This is what I was told, this is what I believed.
Into my fragile mind the thoughts of suicide began to be weaved.
You try to fit in maybe no one will know.
But deeper and deeper inside your mind you go.
Many times you feel so misunderstood,
you wish you could shout from the roof tops,
"Help me my Daddy's no good!"
But you can't hurt your Mom
what would everyone say.
No one will believe you anyway.
But you're wrong it happened, it's real.
Only you must forgive not kill.
I want you to trust that someone does care.
And yes Jesus still answers prayer.
Find someone that you can talk to.
This should not be happening to you.
I'm here if you need me, I'm willing to listen.
I went through it too, and I'm on a mission.
I want to tell every boy and every girl
you don't have to stay trapped in that ugly painful world.
It happened, it's real, and it's going on still.
Let's put a stop to it, because it has a name.
It's called sexual abuse, it's wicked and profane.
Let's educate our babies, empower them to say No!
Protect them from predators, even ones they know.
I want to smile and not cry,
Knowing that another little girl won't have to lie.
I want her to be strong.
To live knowing she belongs.
It does get better,
I'm here to say.
I grow stronger each and every day.
As I said at the top of the page dreams do come.
The dreams that are within my heart are coming the the surface and are on their way to happy endings.
Being able to write and express myself is a big part of my happiness.
I was quiet for far to many years. The real happy ending to my story is that I know how it will end.
My faith gives me the confidence that when this life is over I will be with my savior Jesus. That truly makes me happy!
Share Your Happy Ending
By reading how others made it through can be a great source of encouragement. Let's not let our sister walk the lonely road by herself.
Even if you have not quite made it to your happy ending... we would love for you to share your story.
Do You Know Someone That Can Help?
Do you have a good experience that you wouldn't mind sharing regarding yourself or someone close to you that needed help.
A situation in which the help that was needed was addressed in a professional and timely manner.
The sharing of this information hopefully will be beneficial for others. We must remove the fear in reaching out and asking for help.
One step towards making this happen is the establishing of trust and confidence in the person(s) or place where the help is to be offered. Please consider sharing your contacts.
Also for the sake of privacy do not include your last name. (You do not have to submit your real name or the name of the person that you share about.)
Look at this as being similar to the Angie's List for Helping The Hurting!